It’s 1:13 am and I’m slouched on my bed while I eat potato chips dipped in ketchup. I rack my brain trying to think of what to write today but I can’t seem to pin down anything. My breath is pungent and this wall gecko keeps staring at me. I figured I might just ramble about a few things.
I’ve always believed that birthdays signify something novel, something unprecedented. It feels like you are given another chance to start afresh, a chance at a new beginning. I don’t know if it’s just me but there’s this adrenaline rush that makes you believe you can shake the entire world with just a push. That’s why when I hear people say they do not like birthdays, I can’t help but be utterly dazed.
Yesterday, my friend, Dayo, asked if I was excited about today. Despite my belief regarding birthdays, I told him I’m very scared. I’m scared of life’s lingering uncertainties and the misfortunes that accompany them. I’m scared that I might waste that chance to start afresh, due to one reason or another. I’m scared that I’ll finally understand the fleeting nature of relationships, and when it’s time, I’ll be left with no choice but to let go even while it still hurts.
There’s also the constant routine of comparison. As much as I try to stay off social media, I still find myself seeping in information that ends up confecting discontent and ingratitude. Most times, this leads to fatigue and the inability to do something productive. But I’ve come to realize that everyone is unique, as our paths, skills, and abilities vary. This means trying to evaluate myself in light of the achievement of others will do nothing but damage me. Since life is not a race, my aim should be to do better than yesterday…
…taking one step at a time.
I’m 21 today and I don’t want to be scared anymore. I don’t want to allow the nebulous nature of life to keep me from executing my plans. We all know planning can be easy; but many times, heavy is the hand that seeks to execute. I do not want to be scared of execution because of the fear of failure. In fact, I am permitting myself to fail sometimes. In a bid to achieve success, I have decided that I won’t put myself under the pressure of “always getting things right”. This is because I am human and humans are bound to…fail.
I am 21 and I don’t want the uncertainty of relationships to limit how much I care for the people in my life. A popular music duo in my country called “The Cavemen” sang about good people and how we should hold them tight. But Larin wrote about how relationships are meant to die. *Sighs*. As conflicting as they both sound, it won’t hold me back from telling my friends that I love and cherish them whenever I get the chance to. There is no doubt that the quality of my life increased when I started taking my friendships seriously coupled with the love I bask in whenever we are together. Most importantly, I will put in the effort to be the friend that they need me to be. This seems hard but I’ll try to practice their love languages.
One language at a time sha.
I am 21 today, and I will not let comparison steal my joy. So, my heart will glow with delight when I see my friends, acquaintances or even colleagues achieve great feats. Also, I don’t want to wallow in the misery that comes with making my wins look small. Challenges are scary, but I’m 21. There will moments when life’s experiences will displace my stance on hope, causing me to fall flat on my face. But I will focus on getting up as I wipe my tears. And like Luchuks said, I have this big guy in the sky who’s all-powerful and almighty and he loves me and has asked me to literally drop all the wahala at his feet. So yeah, I’ll be fine.
It’s 6:19 am and I’m drowsy. I think I might start becoming incoherent. At this piont, my letters are likely to be mxied up.
Anyways, cheers to the braeking of a new dawn, and hpapy birhtday to me❤.
